From a Brother to a Sister…

Now when I thought of writing this article, the 1st question that popped in my head was what message could I possibly project to the Women of this World? Do I just get down to the nitty and gritty, blade swinging or do I carve careful and elaborate sentences to make the message all pretty? I’ve been called many things in my life but an advocate for the opposite sex has never been uttered in my direction. I guess that is the problem though, Men are quick to ask “where are the Queens of today?” But where are their Kings?

I’m an admitted hopeless romantic, I believe in being the proverbial Knight in shining armour, so the state of society right now adds definitive shades of grey to my skies. I knew however that the millennial generation was well and truly screwed after coming from Church last Christmas.

Take a journey with me, I was tucked away in a Village deep in Uganda’s countryside, Jungle, Bush or whatever (I recommend everyone to see Uganda btw). Now my Grandparents are demi celebrities in their village, respected, revered, loved and loathed. I kid you not the Love they have for each other is what inspires poetry and wars. I’m side tracking but it was in Church that everybody went around stating what they were thankful for, you can imagine what the responses were like and then I heard my Grandfather speak. In that matured tone, as if his voice had been bathed in a Vat of single malt whiskey, smooth as ever he professed his Love for my Jaja (Grandma). For 10 minutes he stood there in front of God and Congregation recounting the trials and tribulations of their Union.

Mind you my Granddad is OLLLLLLLLD School, like he wrote the book and cut the Vinyl on how to be a traditional African Husband. He had 10 wives, and on average 5-8 children per wife so you do the math on Children, don’t even try to do the same for the Grandkids, but that’s a different story. But for those 10 minutes the thing that stuck out to me was that you would never have thought there had been any other Woman in his life. He spoke of the early days, when he was trying to get her attention. Riding on his push bike, through dense bush to her Parents house, sneaking a glance at her from a distance, building up the courage day by day to talk to her. He spoke of the times he feuded with a neighbour who kept trying to steal his land, this same neighbour threatened my Grandfather at gun point (he was an ex Colonel from Amin’s administration). My Grandmother marched to their compound barged into the kitchens told the wives to keep their husband in check and in 40 years there has never been a complaint. For 10 minutes he exhaled a love laced history.

My Grandma’s name is Faith, a fitting name for her, she must have had a tremendous amount of it to stick with my Grandpops even with all the other wives. It was normal back then, but the heart has always behaved the same. She said in her testimonial that there was never a day in 54 years of marriage that she has not felt like a Queen around my Grandpops. He has never treated her anything less than the Queen she is and she has never treated him anything less than the King he is. Even when the other Wives would try to taunt and tease to break her she didn’t waver, when they would try to steal all his attention she didn’t waver, when they would make sure he had eaten before he would visit her she didn’t waver. She trusted in her Love, believed in her duty, provided her support and she said it was those things that kept them strong.

Well what can we learn from that? We learn that someone who loves and believes in themselves will achieve whatever they set out to. Had my Grandmother doubted herself to the point that she didn’t believe in herself I doubt that my Grandparents would have stayed together. This isn’t a principle that applies to only relationships it applies to all sorts of situations, for example you can’t do well in business, sport, school etc. without that Love and belief. We also learn that 10 Wives is a staggering number for any man but that should be no excuse for a Man to be complacent with his duty to his Family. They weren’t rich but my Grandfather provided for all of his Children, so we learn that you need more than Love and Belief, you also need to have discipline. Can we say that we have figures in our circles who truly display all these qualities, do you reading this now have all these qualities?

You probably do, but you like me probably feel that you lack something somewhere. There’s always that Unconscious tension or loud voice in your head telling you all the cons for doing something, loving something, believing in something. Most of us succumb to that voice and never actually do anything, we end up following the status quo. What I see now is a society where everybody tries to be different but ends up being the same because nobody is actually being themselves and that’s why I saw we are screwed

We have many Kings and Queens who sadly don’t Love themselves who end up in disengaged relationships with warped views of reality. It’s hard to build trust when there are so many distractions that can make you 2nd guess every statement and decision. Men want the Bad B, with the big ol butt, fries and extra shake, there is no room left for substance. Guys generally run from what’s good for them in place of what is good for the night. Women question what is good for them, thinking it is all a lie, even when it slaps them in the face and so the cycle continues.

There is greater emphasis placed on keeping up appearances than actually working on something tangible. Like somehow an Amaro tint on a pair of his and hers Jordans epitomises the deepest recesses of love. Or the constant degradation of females earns a Man stripes….Pardon?? We need to be the ones to break this cycle or Heaven knows what ideals our children will perpetuate. Could you imagine your Son filing for divorce because his Wife got him fake Jordans, or your daughter eloping with a man who has more tattoos than days worked to his name? Nothing wrong with Tattoos btw I have several but you get my point. There needs to be a shift in focus on what is important, no amount of “reality” T.V or matching apparel will ever give you the tools to create something worthwhile.

Let’s be honest the cradle of society lies in the lap of the Queen, if only many more of you believed this. If only there were Faith’s in all of our Queens maybe we would see many more Kings Rise to their thrones as they should. I’ve spoken greatly about Love in this article because I honestly believe that it’s the strongest cure for the predicament we have found ourselves in. We need to learn how to hear its voice through the siren screams of lust, wearing your heart on your sleeve requires a ferocious bravery. But you can only do that when you Love who you are 1st, Love your flaws and insecurities. That goes for both sexes, once we come to realise that nobody is our enemy except ourselves we will then be able to move forward. My Queens from the dredges of my soul I implore that you realise the power you have. Wake up to the beauty that you all evoke, compromising your standards will only give you headache in the long run. There’s an old Ugandan Proverb that goes “The bird that pecks at a rock trusts in the strength of its beak.” Trust your struggle, believe in your beauty, support your Love and we’ll all have a little more Faith in us.


Article by Dejaneiro for F.O.S.T.A
Twitter @Dejaneiro_Poet (The bearded Poet)

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